Thomas Cruise Mapother IV as Brian Flanagan
Seen here eating a chocky bar and acting generally unruly. Apparently Paul Newman actually entered Cruise's soul at this point in filming. All the same, he was good in Risky Business wasn't he? Despite, or maybe because of the Phil Collins and Tangerine Dream soundtrack.Elisabeth Shue as Jordan Mooney
Our Jordan doesn't change much but here she has the inner glow of being knocked up. Although she seems to lose her grip on how to serve food - generally tipping it over the heads of 80s movie stars with pretentious above their abilities.Lawrence Luckinbill as Mr. Mooney
Made his money in the great Whoopee Cushion boom in the mid-50s. Mooney is a chronic ecstasy user with a thing for prostitutes of colour.Ken McGregor as The Sculptor
Ponytail. A bit like an evil puppet master, or an out-of-work actor. He was also Zuul in Ghostbusters.Kelly Lynch as Doug's Missus
In her highest level of nastiness, she tries to shag people and screams 'YOU'RE SCARED!' when they thwart her advances. But in fairness to the old girl she does take the time out to pen very nice and empathetic letters when people commit suicide.David Crowley as The Doorman
Nice to see a bald geezer smoking in a movie isn't it? He owns a boxing gym and has been celibate since his 12th birthday - when his fat Aunt Peach seduced him in the toilet.James Mainprize as The Butler Who Should Be Michael Caine.
If it were Mr. Caine, Brian would have been fucked! As it is, this blokes a tosser.Elvis Presley as The Elvis Angel
Kurt Russel as The Kurt Russel Elvis Angel
Unknown Geek as laughing boy from The Simpsons
As seen here in the Simpsons episode Bart The Fink
Gregg Baker as 'Piss Off' Henry, The Bouncer
Gregg's a boy! Used to be in a Village People tribute band but didn't like the, er, pay. He liked being Lando when playing Star Wars as a kid - would still like to but can't tell anyone.Bryan Brown as Dead Doug Coughlan
Pretty self-explanatory really! Dead as a doornail.Thomas Cruise Mapother IV as Brian After He's Worked It All Out
Look a Wookie a real life Wookie! Jesus H Christ on a bike! A real life fucking Wookie!Elizabeth Shue as Jordan After She's Worked It All Out
Gives up all her ambitions and decides to become a battered old bar-owner's wife and squeeze out bucket loads of screaming half-wit kids.Simon Jordan as Simon Jordan
